A busy friday

I have always wanted to be busy - but lately I am "unproductively busy"! This is a term I associate with "busy for no reason" or your time does not count for your own growth and benefit. But at least it is good that someone else gets benefited.

Day started at 7.30 AM, had 2 cups of tea followed by toilet trips. At 8.30, took the weed remover and deweeded a sizable part of the vegetable bed that needed some work for a long time. I have been asking Pramod to do that  for a long time, but it falls in deaf ears. At 9.00 AM got a call from my excolleagues from Canada, who wants help with TST FDR code written in R. She sends me 2 papers to read on. I thought what the heck, let me play one chess match with the computer. At about 10.30 AM I am done with my share of chess for the day. While reading on the 2 papers on FDR analysis and intermittently checking errors with the naming of the genes of a newly sequenced genome(the paper has been submitted to science with me as a lead author - needs to be corrected before the review process begins!). Then Another call at 1 PM. This person is my former Post Doc. (lately we are in touch. This person suddenly disappeared in 2004 because she could not handle work given by me!). She is setting up a company; needs help with the free content management software for the web page! I have set up a company a year ago, but due to my unproductiveness I could not even set up my web page yet! Irony, I will set up her web page instead of working on my own..

At 1.35 PM I have realized that there is a guest invited to our house at 8 PM, so got to cook, so I started cooking till 3.30 PM. Zumba class at 5.00 PM. Then I got to go to 2 houses to deliver the stuff I have cooked today(One supplied me with Indian spinach which I used for cooking today and the other needs help because she delivered a baby not so long ago.). May be yoga at 7.00 PM followed by working on deweeding that I had initiated. Then watering the plants. At 10 PM probably I will sit with the gene nomenclature that I had started. Sigh, another friday gone without doing much of my own work...Probably, I will have to stress on FDR/content management software tomorrow. Another weekend gone without me doing my company work!!
This is what I cooked today.

All about Rekha nanis and Vidya Dharas

In our part of the world, we call older sister as "nani". In my community , we also call our "bua"(Father's sister), "Mausi"(mothers sister) as nani as well. Today, I remember our childhood neighbor Rakha nani(rather Rekha Bua) and Vidya Dhara(He is just called as Vidya Dhara - I don't know why) very fondly.

The story with Rekha nani goes like this.. She was known to our family long long ago. May be she is from my father's village. While I was still a little girl, I just have very prosaic memory of hers - coming to our house, helping my mum with lots of chores and sometimes having lunch/dinner/chai at our place. She occasionally brought some of her kids( All her kids were way older than us, so I don't remember having any interaction with them) to our house. Rekha nani was from a well to do family, but they had failed businesses and were really hard on money at that time. My mother always used to look forward to her  coming to our house and helping us. The way it was presented to me; I kind of believed that she enjoyed working for us... Now after growing up, I can't even think somebody doing some manual work for us just because she finds pleasure in it!! Probably, that is the way my mother wanted to present it, so that she did not feel guilty about making Rekha Nani work in our house. As such my mother was very hard working and she ended up doing a lot of work by herself, but she always needed help - that was not available from any other sources, and Rekha Nani being soft, was the right choice for her to lean on. Slowly time changed, we moved to another town, but my family still stayed in touch with Rekha nani. Rekha nani's children grew up, started having good jobs. But my mother always used to remember her whenever there was a celebration at our house. It was not that my mother was soliciting her presence, but she wanted extra hands to help her. Rekha Nani would still turn up and do lots of work in our house, stay for few days and leave. In my grown up days, now I suddenly discovered that there are always some relationships where people want a Rekha nani handy. The easiest targets are the needy gullibles or may be imaginary gullibles. This is the person they imagine gets pleasure working for them without complaining - to get over their own guilty consciousness. I can't imagine treating some one as a Rekha nani in my life!! I am sitting and wondering what Rekha nani would have thought about us all then. We the people, are so insensitive that, we don't even know where she is now, whether alive or dead. Where ever you are Rekha Nani, my sincere apologies to you on behalf of my family.

Another person I remember fondly is Vidya Dhara - yes, we used to call him so, although I wonder why we never called him uncle. Vidya Dhar used to come to our house and work in our garden. No - he was not our gardener, he was just another employee in the same company my father worked, but he liked working in our garden. He will keep it weed free, make water canals for the plants, plant new tress, make it beautiful in 1-2 days work on it and leave. Nobody ever asked him to come and work in our garden. He just used to come and my parents paid him just the bus fare. We used to take care of his food and chai needs though.. May be his love for plants/gardens brought him to our place even though we moved far away. Now, I have a garden, and it is hell of a job to keep it clean! Every time, I attempt to remove weeds, I remember how efficiently Vidya Dhar used to work. Usually after he does the garden job, for 6 months, there were no weeds. Such was the quality of his work. Vidya Dhara is no more now, but his work and memories live on.

The qualities I have learned from Pramod

Today, I thought I will document the good thoughts I got about Pramod instead of telling him...

Back in 1997, when Pramod came to see me in Hyderabad, I was a young Ph.D student. All that I had was a CSIR(NET) fellowship as my achievement. Although, I was in a "good" lab, but my mentors were not good. On the contrary, Pramod(just 3 and half years older to me), had achieved quite a lot for his age then. He had qualified a all India competition to get into Banking jobs and after working there for 4 years, he joined a foreign bank, when we met. He was almost self made, financed his studies by himself from 7th standard(when he was merely 11 years old). He comes from a remote village from Orissa where he had seen struggle for survival. His grand father who adopted him went throrgh tough financial hardship, so he had to start financing his own studies at the tender age of 11.
Then, while talking to him, I was feeling that he has done quite a lot and I am not sure where I will be in 4 years time!! Then during our conversation he suddenly said, I appeared for CSIR/UGC(NET) and did not qualify it. After hearing that, I felt great and much more comfortable - not to mention, I felt like an achiever. Then he also appreciated about my younger brother qualifying for officers exams in Indian air force which he himself could not. That made me still happier and a slight feeling of superiority passed through me!! I thought to myslef; well we are too good for you. He also said qualifying bank PO is not a big deal, anyone can do it.It is just like game of tic tac toe. Put the circles at the right place and there you go. At that moment I also thought that wow, I can do what you have done, but you could not do what we did!!
Then after few months we got married, and I eventually completed my Ph.D. In Mumbai, I did not find a suitable job immediately, so I thought what the heck let me go for bank PO exams. After all it is like a game. But I never qualified it! Well, then I realized, how humble he was when he said that anyone can qualify bank PO exams.
The other things I have learnt from him is; he is a thorough professional. He never neglects his office work at any cost, very hard working. So, this is my lesson number 2 in life.Lesson 3 that surpasses all others is; when he was working for Infosys, and posted in US; there used to a be a technical project manager Mr. X. Mr. X did not want Pramod onsite, and was always recommending clients to terminate his contract. But somehow, the clients allowed him to stay albeit the contract used to get renewed every week. That was extremely stressful to both of us. Now, normally a person in Pramod's situation would really get angry and bad mouth Mr.X. But, I am surprised, when he showers his praise for X. He says X is a thorough and professional manager, very good at his job. Whatever he was doing was part of his job to get maximum productivity in the team. I am just speechless, I can't sit but appreciate this person from a small village having so much wisdom. I am just trying to learn and learning slowly..
May be you would have guessed by now - who Pramod is? Yes, he is my husband!!

My religious belief

I always considered myself a hindu - since I was born in a hindu family; observed all hindu festivals, believed in god etc.. Suddenly, I found a sudden urge within myself to turn my status into "hindu atheism". To most, atheism means lack of belief in deities or lack of  belief in god. Atheism according to wikipedia means; "followers of philosophies such as humanism, rationalism, and naturalism, there is no one ideology or set of behaviors to which all atheists adhere". I relate myself mostly to naturalism, since I believe nature to be the most powerful force in determining many aspects of our life. In other words, I can say nature is god to me..
Large part of our society is god believer and some fear god none the less. God for us is the supreme power who comes to rescue us when we are in trouble. Having declared myself an atheist, I would miss god the most when I am in trouble, not the other way round... Well, this sounds little bit crude, but how many of us really sit and thank god for everything we have or have not?? That number can be counted in fingers. We always have certain type of expectations from life/circumstances/universe. To achieve it, we pray to god, and if does not happen then we get mad. In one of the management training seminars I attended, the best thing I captured was "Everything that happens to us is an event - there is nothing good or bad about it. It is upto you how you take it". At the very outset, I did not appreciate it. Thought how can everything be just an event? We always associate everything with good or bad, it is almost impossible to take things as events. But, now slowly, I am realizing that yes, everything is indeed an event and it is upto us how we take it. Now, if you know everything is just an event, and it is upto you to take it the way you like, so it is most certainly in our hand to take it positively rather than negatively. We get confused, when things don't happen as per our expectations then we call it as a bad thing. Now when, we are ready to accept everything as a good thing, why do we need a god? Because in any case, we remember god when we need something or expect something to happen in a certain way. Now when that inhibition is not there and you are ready accept every event as a positive event, is there a need for god? That is exactly a transition I am going through. As it is written in our vedic scriptures, "everything happens for a reason and for your own good". Once we accept it whole heartedly, we don't need to take shelter in god, we become fearless. So, in other words atheism is deeply embedded in hinduism than the other way round..
According to wikipedia, " Hinduism  holds atheism to be valid but difficult to follow spiritually". So, for me the difficult part would be to accept things as they come. Once you overcome it, you are a proud hindu atheist. I have not reached that higher consciousness on rejecting god completely, but with acceptance to things the way they come will eventually lead to that path. I am a big believer of "Karma" theory. Somebody has to prove it, but in my own experience, I have seen "whatever you sow, so you reap". I will give here an eye witnesses example; There used to be a person X, married to person Y. Person Y has 2 sisters A and B. A , the elder one is not nice towards X or X's family(does not do so publicly, but shows body language evident enough to show repugnance). Y's other sister B marries. B's husband's sister behaves much more aggressively towards A than A was doing to X's family. Now at the outset, it looks unfair that why X is being treated like that - for no fault of hers. But looking closely, I found X is not nice towards her own brother's wife(Not at the face value, but holds lot of grudges). Now viola! everything came a full circle. This only strengthens my Karma theory.
For me, everything does not run probabilistically, things do happen for a reason and who controls it - is beyond our comprehension. We all as physical entities do impart positive, negative forces on each other. The good Karma or positive energy does come back to us in a good/positive way!!

What is that? (Τι είναι αυτό;) 2007

Sensitive or thick skinned?

Have you heard somebody scolding  saying "you are shameless and thick skinned"? Yes, I think we do. In our Indian society, sensitivity is considered as a good quality and treated as a complement and thick skinned -  a negative trait. Do you buy that hypothesis? As far as I am concerned, I have started believing the other way round. For me sensitivity is a bad quality and being thick skinned is the winner..
Now that I have passed on my opinion, let me try to prove it. Sensitive people often get offended by a number of things.. When around sensitive people you need to watch out on what you are saying. In other words you become extremely cautious. This build up stress. They take it to their heart all the time and keep thinking about it. And often the person who told such "insensitive" things, feels bad. This bad feeling can often lead to stress and loss of productive working hours. It may lead to loosing friends at times and the overall effect could be enormous. So, in this regard, is it easier to be thick skinned or be sensitive? We hear the word "cool" a lot these days. Coolness is equal to someone who takes it easy. Now thick skinned people also take it easy so, to my understanding now, the cool people are thick skinned.  I would rather like to be surrounded by cool - thick skinned people than by "warm sensitive" people.
In my own personal day to day living, I have realized that thinking about what other person thinks about me is a big dagger. For example, I get upset when loved ones get upset with me. So, I try my best not to upset them. In that process, I go to great length and put myself in trouble - but nevertheless want to please the person around me. According to me this is not a positive quality. I have realized, it is very hard to please others.No matter how much you do to please people, at the drop of a hat, they get displeased and all your efforts goes down in vein..So, why did you try so hard(to please) in the first place? Being assertive and true to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself!! This reduces the baggage of feigning and un-necessary attempts in pleasing others. So, to conclude I think we should live life without baggage and without thinking what the other person will think about me. Do whatever feels right to you and stay thick skinned always - in other words be cool.......

Israt Jehan - A tale of appeasement by congress.

I was never a avid newspaper reader until few years back! Last year, there was a news item, that said Israt Jehan(the suspected terrorist who was shot dead by Gujrat Police); died of "fake encounter". The committee was set up under Justice Tamang and it flashed all over the online news papers. All major newspapers had this as the headline. My husband said, "oh my god see what these cops are doing". He was very upset that a 19 year old "innocent girl" was killed by the cops for no fault of hers. I knew deep down that this is nothing but a media propaganda. I told my husband not to believe these newspaper stories because they work for congress and whatever suits congress will be published. In other words, this was to malign the Gujrat BJP govt. Mr. Modi. Having said that, I started on doing my own search. I found that this girl was missing from home one day and absconded for 3-4 days till the day she was killed. The day she was killed, she was traveling with 4 unidentified armed men, two of which are pakistanis. Those who believe in her innocence fail to explain why a girl should secretly leave her home and roam around with unidentified males with arms. Sounds fishy isn't it? Oh, ya, but this does not prove she is guilty. That is also true that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. So, this is also applicable to Modi because nothing has yet been proved against him on the Gujrat killings. But, all the printed english news media never shy away from projecting Mr. Modi a monster. I would say Gujrat police should also be labelled as innocent because its not yet proved if Israt was innocent or not.
Just few days back, it was reported that Headly(The mastermind behind 26/11 terror attack in Mumbai) confessed that Israt was indeed a terrorist deployed for Modi killing operation. Now, this gives me relief that there was no "fake encounter". I was going through some of Times of India's comments by people, and surprisingly, some people even argue that we should not trust a terrorist like Headly and base our judgment on that. Appalled - I ask, if you are not going to believe a terrorist at any cost, why interrogate him in the first place? Does it make any sense? Somehow people just come up with absurd thoughts and logic that makes no sense at all and it gets propagated in the news channels. Now coming back to the news reporting, who will undo the damage the earlier Tamang report has already done?So, why do we get to see partial news reporting day in and day out? People like my husband that keeps keen interest on national items too get carried away by this false reporting. Why is the congress govt. doing this? Why does it pay the media to publish untrue stories? The reason is for appeasement that links to vote bank politics...
Sigh, it sounds so bad that in a country like India with so many intelligent people, only very few go out to practice their franchise. Even in my own family people hardly go out to vote. As a result of which our elected leaders are those that are chosen by ignorant few. In other words we are ruled by ignorant few. I ask my family why don't you go out for voting and pat comes the answer. No one is good, whom should we vote? Now, that is a valid question. But it is high time we have to choose between 2 devils. There may be one who is less of a devil than the other, so choose the lesser devil...

Today, I read a very interesting article in one of my favorite web sites that strikes a very important chord. The article can be found here. Now, I strongly feel somebody should fund a research on the economic loss worldwide caused by the security checking menace at the airports. This is not just finding the productive working human hours loss at the airports but also the associated menace like missing flights because of long queue at the security points, and other inconveniences that leads to economic loss . For example, for being not able to carry items like food, water and other basic things can lead to monetary loss as well. Every time I go somewhere, at the airport they confiscate my shampoo, moisturizers, tooth paste and other basic items. I end up buying them again. I end up buying over priced water bottles inside the security zones. At sometimes because of long security checking queues, I miss my meal, miss my flight, stay in a hotel. Miss important work assignments etc. People who have certain health condition may loose their lives because of this! This list could grow endlessly... So, I ask why should I be paying for something that I am not responsible for? It is high time we all ask ourselves what to do with the appeasements..

How I cured my Retroperitoneal fibrosis

In year 2005, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I did not have any endometriosis like symptoms though, but had to believe the doctor. In early 2004, I used to have some kind of strange sensation on my left side towards the back(Just near the kidneys). That feeling is hard to describe. When I used to stand for sometime, I used to feel very uncomfortable. Then I would sit and the feeling will go away. Soon, that feeling started occurring more frequently even while I was sitting. I was feeling awful and my quality of life was dwindling rapidly. Having some kind of cancer history in my family, I got even more scared. Slowly, I got scared to walk for some distance because this feeling was grappling me. I could not run and my life was kind jeopardized.


So, when I was diagnosed with endometriosis with an elevated CA125(tumor marker for ovarian cancer), I thought it may be cancer. But, the doctor said it could be retro-peritoneal fibrosis - benign condition but progressively it gets worse. Doctor suggested surgery for my endometriosis as well as for retroperitoneal fibrosis. I had one surgery(laproscopic procedure) to remove my endometriosis implants using ablation. But, the first doctor said, it was too extensive and he could not remove anything. He referred me to an oncologist and suggested I undergo an open surgery to remove the endo as well as the adhesion. It was a pretty scared thought.. I did not know what to do. Out of desperation, I started doctor shopping and finally went to the CEC where doctors promised me they will do a laproscopic excision surgery of my endometriosis and will also dissect the fibrosis. I was quite comforted at that thought that my fibrosis and discomfort is going to go away. So, I agreed to pay out of my pocket for the surgery(The doctors at the CEC were not participating in any insurance policy). Soar after the surgery I did not feel anything regarding my fibrosis. this may be because I was under medication. But lo and behold, in just 3-4 days I started having the same awful sensation that concerned with my fibrosis. I was very sad. Then I moved to CA, worked from home, had whole lot of time for my health and started reading a number of literatures. Soon, I got interested in yoga. Initially, it was hard, but I read somewhere yoga helps cure internal adhesion.. I started with the most difficult pose, that is the headstand. Initially, it was tough. I needed help. I would ask my husband to lift my legs while I get supported by the wall. Slowly, he would draw me at the wall and leave. I would balance. Soon, I could do it myself(with little bit of practice). After doing headstand for about 2 weeks, I slowly forgot that I used to have some kind of awful sensation due to fibrosis. May be after a month or so of doing headstand, one day I sat and thought wow, I don't have that awful sensation any more. Initially, I thought it may be short living. But, as time passed by, I never saw it coming back. Now after 4 complete years of regular yoga, I have completely forgotten how that feeling was. I am so relieved now and so thankful for yoga..

Fitness Regime with Zumba

Some of the Zumba routines!




















My Zumba fitness songs














cool down








Song Names:
Boro Boro
5 letras
Eres par mi : Julieta vebegas
Boom Boom, by Kumbia Kings
Chiquilla, by Kumbia All-Starz
Plane to PR, by Daddy Yankee
Krazy, by Pitbull
the Anthem - hip-hop
I Need to Know - cha-cha
Pegate - merengue
I Love Salsa - salsa
1, 2, 3 (El Simbolo) zumba
a la nena le gusta zumba
Pa'la Discoteka a Bailar ("1, 2, 3, ZUMBA!")
Down (Rakim y Ken-Y) zumba
Zumba Mami
She Wolf (Shakira)
Zorba (Greek) zumba


Zumba Songs:
http://shinefitness.com/zumba/zumbaplaylist/zumbaplaylist.html