Today I am prompted to think what is my religious status? Do I believe in god? Do I fear god? Do I need god for my existence? Which category do I belong to?
I am born a hindu, believed in hindu rituals, prayed idols especially Ganesha as a child to give me vidya(good education). I used to pray a lot when I was small, and still pray when I am in trouble, now then why this doubt about god suddenly? As I grew up, my constant demand to god about a myriad of things does not get fulfilled. Then I am mad at god and think does god really exist? Isn't it silly to pray someone that does not exist? Instead why not to rely on our own abilities?
Well, we all go through this dilemma sometimes in our lifetime. While growing up, it was certainly essential for us to believe in god, because it was very fancy to have someone by your side as your savior all the time plus it did not harm us in believing in someone by our side. Every time we needed something we believed praying god will fulfill that. I as a child used to pray god primarily for that purpose. I could not have imagined life otherwise. For example, I clearly remember one incident when I lost some story books I borrowed from a friend. One day she asked those books back. I came back home worried, searched everywhere but did not find it. Now what to do? If I tell mom, I will be screwed, if I tell the friend, it is going to be ugly. So, all that I could do is pray... Took off one day from school to avoid that friend of mine, and the next day, don't know how exactly I found those books, but I did. When I found the books, I did not think god has returned those books to me, rather it appeared silly that instead of looking for the books at that particular place, I prayed. But, this types of thing kept repeating throughout my life several times to say the least. Sometimes, it works out, and sometimes it does not. Now the big question is if there is really a god, who listens to us and fulfills our demands? Well, as a believer of Karma, I do certainly believe; as a you sow, so you reap. If you don't work hard, then how much ever you pray, it does not work out. Then, why do we waste our time by praying? Instead why don't we just work. But, are we strong enough to just rely on our work? Certainly, there are a large number of people who pull through life without relying on god. They work through their problems, without playing a blame game on god, or doing lots of rituals for getting something in life and just meaninglessly praying for it. But, there may be third case scenario, where you do everything possible and it is no longer in your control. Now you desire a certain outcome, then what should you do? Just accept whatever is happening or be positive/optimistic for a certain outcome? I think this is the time when prayer helps. Whether you get your desirable outcome is not the question, but if you think there is someone out there on whom you can rely or just pass on the responsibility, then that certainly gives you a lot of strength. I consider that is what is very important aspect of having a god by your side. Here I will give a simple example that happened to me recently. I was driving from Blacksburg, VA to Charlotte. My flight to DFW was about at 6.30 PM from Charlotte Douglas airport. I calculated about 3 hours drive time, so decided to start at 1.30 PM from Blacksburg. As I reached the vehicle, I realized that I had left the car key inside the car and locked it. Now, that was a rental car, and the car was rented at Charlotte. What am I suppose to do? Rent another car, leave this car here and drive straight or call somebody to open the car and fetch the key? Right at that moment, I saw an unfamiliar female passing by. Out of desperation I said her what had happened to the key. Then she promptly suggested to call Virginia Tech police, who come and rescue the key for free. I was happy, went to the receptionist and made a call to the VT police, and they said they will be right there. Relieved, I waited outside. After about 30 minutes one retired guy came with injured fingers. He tried a lot, but could not get past the door. Another 20 minutes passed. Now worried about my timings, I was getting impatient. Then he called for another guy, and finally they could get the key out. It was almost 2.30 PM. Now I had 2 and half hours to drive to the airport, return the car, take the shuttle and reach the airport. I thought, that is quite doable, so I set for driving. It was winter and I drove OK till the car rental place just about on time (5 PM). But by the time, it was already dark and in the dark, I can't see that well. On the top of it I am directionally challenged. Once I was there, I realized I did not fill the tank. Unless you fill the tank, you get to give 3-4 times the fuel price, and that was something I was not willing to. Then I asked someone about where to fill the tank, they showed me some routes out of the ramp. Being very poor in direction, I was not certain whether I will be able to find the place. Anyways, I started for it and as expected lost my way. It was night, late and in a new city without direction, I was in some new highway. That was the time, I prayed and prayed desperately. I pleaded god to forgive me for being mean earlier, for not believing his presence. And in the winter, I was sweating for the first time. Then I got courage to comeback on that highway and coolly looked for a gas station and filled the tank. Now the next herculean task is to find my way back to the rental car place. Whoever I asked, the directions did not work. I was still praying desperately asking god to forgive me for all my misdeeds etc. Then I took an unconventional route and there you go, I saw my rental car drive. My god, I was so relieved. I gave all the credits to god for taking me to the airport just about at 6 PM. It was high drama for one hour. After that I am now thinking should I denounce the presence of god because some of my prayers are not answered? May be what I am asking for is not good for me or may be I don't deserve it yet. Now, at this cross road of my faith, I am more inclined to believe that there is something that gives you strength/power when you need most. I am not strong enough to pass through the storm all by myself. I need someone, or at least to pretend there is someone out there to help. With this, now I am inclined towards changing my facebook status to agnostic from atheist.
I am born a hindu, believed in hindu rituals, prayed idols especially Ganesha as a child to give me vidya(good education). I used to pray a lot when I was small, and still pray when I am in trouble, now then why this doubt about god suddenly? As I grew up, my constant demand to god about a myriad of things does not get fulfilled. Then I am mad at god and think does god really exist? Isn't it silly to pray someone that does not exist? Instead why not to rely on our own abilities?
Well, we all go through this dilemma sometimes in our lifetime. While growing up, it was certainly essential for us to believe in god, because it was very fancy to have someone by your side as your savior all the time plus it did not harm us in believing in someone by our side. Every time we needed something we believed praying god will fulfill that. I as a child used to pray god primarily for that purpose. I could not have imagined life otherwise. For example, I clearly remember one incident when I lost some story books I borrowed from a friend. One day she asked those books back. I came back home worried, searched everywhere but did not find it. Now what to do? If I tell mom, I will be screwed, if I tell the friend, it is going to be ugly. So, all that I could do is pray... Took off one day from school to avoid that friend of mine, and the next day, don't know how exactly I found those books, but I did. When I found the books, I did not think god has returned those books to me, rather it appeared silly that instead of looking for the books at that particular place, I prayed. But, this types of thing kept repeating throughout my life several times to say the least. Sometimes, it works out, and sometimes it does not. Now the big question is if there is really a god, who listens to us and fulfills our demands? Well, as a believer of Karma, I do certainly believe; as a you sow, so you reap. If you don't work hard, then how much ever you pray, it does not work out. Then, why do we waste our time by praying? Instead why don't we just work. But, are we strong enough to just rely on our work? Certainly, there are a large number of people who pull through life without relying on god. They work through their problems, without playing a blame game on god, or doing lots of rituals for getting something in life and just meaninglessly praying for it. But, there may be third case scenario, where you do everything possible and it is no longer in your control. Now you desire a certain outcome, then what should you do? Just accept whatever is happening or be positive/optimistic for a certain outcome? I think this is the time when prayer helps. Whether you get your desirable outcome is not the question, but if you think there is someone out there on whom you can rely or just pass on the responsibility, then that certainly gives you a lot of strength. I consider that is what is very important aspect of having a god by your side. Here I will give a simple example that happened to me recently. I was driving from Blacksburg, VA to Charlotte. My flight to DFW was about at 6.30 PM from Charlotte Douglas airport. I calculated about 3 hours drive time, so decided to start at 1.30 PM from Blacksburg. As I reached the vehicle, I realized that I had left the car key inside the car and locked it. Now, that was a rental car, and the car was rented at Charlotte. What am I suppose to do? Rent another car, leave this car here and drive straight or call somebody to open the car and fetch the key? Right at that moment, I saw an unfamiliar female passing by. Out of desperation I said her what had happened to the key. Then she promptly suggested to call Virginia Tech police, who come and rescue the key for free. I was happy, went to the receptionist and made a call to the VT police, and they said they will be right there. Relieved, I waited outside. After about 30 minutes one retired guy came with injured fingers. He tried a lot, but could not get past the door. Another 20 minutes passed. Now worried about my timings, I was getting impatient. Then he called for another guy, and finally they could get the key out. It was almost 2.30 PM. Now I had 2 and half hours to drive to the airport, return the car, take the shuttle and reach the airport. I thought, that is quite doable, so I set for driving. It was winter and I drove OK till the car rental place just about on time (5 PM). But by the time, it was already dark and in the dark, I can't see that well. On the top of it I am directionally challenged. Once I was there, I realized I did not fill the tank. Unless you fill the tank, you get to give 3-4 times the fuel price, and that was something I was not willing to. Then I asked someone about where to fill the tank, they showed me some routes out of the ramp. Being very poor in direction, I was not certain whether I will be able to find the place. Anyways, I started for it and as expected lost my way. It was night, late and in a new city without direction, I was in some new highway. That was the time, I prayed and prayed desperately. I pleaded god to forgive me for being mean earlier, for not believing his presence. And in the winter, I was sweating for the first time. Then I got courage to comeback on that highway and coolly looked for a gas station and filled the tank. Now the next herculean task is to find my way back to the rental car place. Whoever I asked, the directions did not work. I was still praying desperately asking god to forgive me for all my misdeeds etc. Then I took an unconventional route and there you go, I saw my rental car drive. My god, I was so relieved. I gave all the credits to god for taking me to the airport just about at 6 PM. It was high drama for one hour. After that I am now thinking should I denounce the presence of god because some of my prayers are not answered? May be what I am asking for is not good for me or may be I don't deserve it yet. Now, at this cross road of my faith, I am more inclined to believe that there is something that gives you strength/power when you need most. I am not strong enough to pass through the storm all by myself. I need someone, or at least to pretend there is someone out there to help. With this, now I am inclined towards changing my facebook status to agnostic from atheist.
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