Work Life Balance workshop by the CSIR-HRDC September 6-8th at Ghaziabad Delhi

For the first time I took a sponsored course at the HRDC, Ghaziabad conducted by CSIR for women scientists and officers. It was  an amazing experience. I took my almost 4 year old toddler with me not knowing how I will deal with it. I thought I will have to get in sit for sometimes and the rest of the time, most likely I will be outside playing with her. But everything was proved wrong. My toddler sat next to me with her a headphone and my laptop watching cartoons. She did not budge neither did she disturb anyone. Only time she was playful or making noise was during the break.

The first session started off with Dr. Suneeta Singh from NTPC. The session started off with lots of interactions, a video, where the take home message was be your self and enjoy. What others say or do actually mean nothing. You have the power within yourself to take charge of you. We all are aware of this, but re-inforcing in another context was very refreshing. The second session began with another faculty Dr. Meenakshi Gandhi. She started off with a coin and asked the most important event in the year the coin has. Although she was exciting in the beginning, I lost interest later on because she was citing her examples all the time. But the message she was trying to convey was try to love yourself then things will fall back in place. Take a break and read a book and pamper yourself. I take that because many times we neglect ourselves trying to juggle work and life. But we are not thinking what is that needs to be done for us.

The third session was a yoga session where the teacher made us do few OM sessions, guided meditations and yoga. The fourth session was by Ms. Anubha Muarya Walia. I enjoyed this session the most because she was talking about the power of positivity. She said the universe gives you ultimately what you ask for. The rationale behind this is when you want something, you think about it and you start working on it. She also asked everyone on what was their person, professional and emotional goals. It was very interesting. She also made us write what we want from life in a wall, and to write nice things about anyone in the group. In addition she taught prioritization in a very nice way by putting points on the activities, that we did. It was a full of fun class. Also Dr. Suneeta and Anubha both made us write behind others back on what we think about them and there was a pattern. I liked that very much.

The last day Dr. Suneet came back again with the mirrors and asked us to look at it into the eyes and say that I love this beautiful creature. Power of affirmation. And the eliminate the word should. It is always about a choice and if we keep saying that we love to do what we are doing life becomes easier and enjoyable. The take home message is always same. We create our thoughts and that becomes our destiny. So we can control it at many points and also choose our destiny. The power of positivity, power of communication and good thoughts are something that can solve every problems in life.

Then the last session was by a behavioural therapist who gave us a list of questionnaires and  that was about the behaviour of people. I came to know my true nature and the session came to an end.

Cataloging my efficiency as I grow older

Today I had this strong urge to document how my efficiency has changed for better in last decades of my active professional life. My life started as a professional (read first job) at the age of 26 in Mumbai. Then I was a fresh Ph. D with great ambition in life , but could not find a job to match my ambition, so just settled for a teaching job in a college. Highly unsatisfied, I was not really a good worker. My  job was for 5 hours a day and the timing was variable. But there was a travelling time attached to it. I had to travel between Goregaon (E) that is my home to Bhandup (W), the college and the most plausible way to commute was by crowded bus. But the plus side was the bus would go through the only green patch of Mumbai that is Arrey colony. If I got a seat, that was the best day for me. Everyday I would keep checking my time and leave for home the moment it hit 5 hours. Travelling time 2 and half hours on an average added, my total away from home hours were approximately 8 hours max. Plus I had summer holidays and Diwali holidays of one month each. Well, then I was doing no exercise, no other activity, but just go to work and watch TV and may be cook during the evening. Thats it. It changed for a more lazy life when I joined a company called as DSQ Biotech. There the commute time was maximum 10 minutes, food provided, so no cooking, office hours are flexible. Then also I did no physical exercise. It lasted for 2 more years. Then getting up at 6 AM was a rarity. I often used to get up way after 8 AM, and sleep at 12 PM or later after watching all the useless serials.
Then I spend 10 long years in USA, where I worked from home for 6 years. The remaining 4 years I was onsite, I traveled only 4 minutes up and 4 minutes down to work (4 miles away). Time was flexible no pressure and indeed again another long lazy chapter of my life. Although I had to cook, but that was not a big deal, eat outside most of the time, get up late and watch a lots of TV, that pretty  mcu defined my life. But then I had some health scare on the third year of my USA stay (2005) and I slowly got into exercising...When we bought a home, we did some more work like gardening, grass mowing and may be some exercise. That included at least one hour of regular exercise, and yes, we did  socialize, that accounts to may be an hour per day. And that's it. When we returned, I believed we will have a good life with house help and cook and driver. But the joy lasted only for a year. We realized no matter how many people you have to help you out, you need to do your stuff. Now pushing  5 years this is a reality. This is what I do in a day. Get up between 5.30 to 6 AM (now this is a rule rather than an exception), drink my tall glass of lemon water followed by 2 more glasses of water. Go to potty, make my own lemon extract drink (with ginger and lemon peels), make a breakfast for me and Ada. Feed Ada breakfast, play with her, give her bath, get her ready for school, do homework with her, many times drop her at school and go to office before 10 AM. Sometimes I even catch up with 30-40 minutes exercise in the morning. Most of these days, I even carry my lunch box. Now I supervise about 10 students, run my projects, present papers, attend conferences, write grants, write annual reports, do doctoral advisory committee meetings, assess annual reports, head a computer division, act as external and internal evaluater, act as thesis adviser for MTechs, serve as external expert for purchase committee, act as invited speaker and the list is endless.... How do I do this now? Only thing I dont do is cooking, but other than that everything is as before and 10 times more. This all happens because I watch 0 TV, get up early and sleep early. Yes you heard it right. My life seems to be back on track just because I changed one habit of mine - that is NOT watching any TV, not wasting any time socializing and getting up early. Now I am very happy me :) :) :)

Remembering my homeless day five years back today....

I am remembering this day today 5 years back when I was literally homeless (rather we were homeless). It was 4th of July 2012, the independence day of USA when people enjoy a day off and a long weekend. In our community (Ruidosa Ridge), there was a small celebration where they usually block the traffic where children parade. We were most of the time onlookers through our large front windows. Suddenly we saw a SUV pulled off few meters away from our home. The man and his family got down off the SUV, of course we know them, they are the people who bought our home for a throw away price!! In case you want to take peek here is the image that we took ourself! https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/601-Flintwood-Ln,-Arlington,-TX-76002_rb/?fromHomePage=true&shouldFireSellPageImplicitClaimGA=false&fromHomePageTab=buy They are a nice Vietnamese family. We signed the documents on 25th June 2012 and the condition was we would stay there 10 more days in the house. We thought may be he dropped to enjoy the independence day parade in the community. He came inside the house and sat with no signs of going out. Our home almost empty except for few items that we would need to sustain our self for another month in the country. He and his kids came and he ordered his older kids to sit on the couch saying "Go sit on your sofa". I was like ?!!!! Then at 9 AM they blocked the traffic in front of our house for the annual parade. He sits and tells us you can take your time to vacate. We were like, was it not suppose to be tomorrow?! As per our calculation, July 5th should be the 10th day. In any case, since he bought the house, we have nothing to say in this scenario. We immediately booked a hotel near by and planned to move and told him that we will leave for the hotel after sometime. His youngest was 2 years old and was crying for food, at that point instead of going back, he called his wife and asked her to bring the food. We looked at each others face and realized that he is determined to evacuate us on that particular hour!! The milk was still boiling on the gas stove and we were still sipping hot tea. Then we sprang to our feet and began preparing for evacuation on a war footing! We packed whatever we could, rest we dumped on the dumping place in front. At that time the traffic curb had been lifted, parade was over. It was approximately 10 AM in the morning. I poured hot tea into the flask and rest all in the back of the car. Off we left for the hotel... Hotel was just 10 minutes away. Hotel guy said check in time is at 2 PM and since it was a holiday they were packed, cant take us early! We roamed with the luggage at the back of the car from hotel to hotel, and all the hotels had the same story.... Finally after 2 hours of roaming, we found one that allowed us a check in at 12 PM, and there we went. The next day was a long day for me because I had to leave for Virginia for the annual OMGN workshop, so it was essential that I take some break and PREPARE for the workshop. Thank god it is over and thank god for the 2 hours homelessness. It teaches you the value of a shelter.

Life of a scientist mother

Although there are many many days with much more overwhelming feelings, today I am penning it down, because I am determined to. People say looking at the kids "Oh how time flies!! Look at your daughter how grown up she is - good for you..". But little do they know that raising a child for a working mother involves so much struggle every single hour!! By the way my princess is 3 and half year old and her name is Ada.

My story goes like this:

Morning: Got up at 6.30 AM with a bad back pain. Maid comes, I went and opened the door, instructed her to cook for daughter's lunch box. I then went on warm a tall glass of water for drinkng with lemon juice. In between I went back and forth, pack curd with sugar for Ada's lunch, pack her a sandwich for evening snack, quickly cut an apple for morning 10.30 AM snack while sipping lemon water. Now I have to go for the additional glasses of water, so that I get pressure for potty. Done! Maid has already made tea, just took a small break to drink tea. Whoa, got pressure, got to go to toilet. Done! Time is already 7.30 AM. Checking on Ada, yeah she is sleeping like an angel! The other maid has not come today, so I have to water plants!
Watering before she gets up, done! Time now 7.45 AM. Now I have to wake her up else she will be late for breakfast....

Now Ada is up and asking for her favorite cake. Me: "No Mama, cant have cake today, there is no cake at home". Ada: "You told me we will go and buy one today". Me: "OK, we can quickly go and buy one". Now checking my purse. Yesterday, drew some cash but only 2000 rupees denominations... Me thinking there is just one shop out there who can give me change. Thinking in my mind, I need change too. My cook said there is no onion, I have to buy some today. Yesterday's shopkeeper said he will not give change for 2000 rupees. Me: "Ada get ready got to go to that shop change money and get some cake". Ada "OK mumma". Slowly comes wears her shoes... "Mumma, I cant wear this shoe, please make me wear it". Me: "OK will do it". We both locked home, I took the car keys so that I can give it for washing(thursdays are car cleaning days) started for the shop. Did not see the cleaning boy, so just walked. It took us 15 mins instead of 10 because Ada  is holding my thigh and not moving. Now got the money changed, bought milk packets and cake. Now walking back home. Just near my home, there is a fruit seller. We bought some mangoes and bananas and heading for home.
Checking the clock, oh my god, it is already 8.30 AM... Will I have time for some quick pranayama... No may be not now. If I get ready before 9.00 AM then may be. Now checking what needs to be packed for Ada's school. I have to pack her 2 dresses, 2 pairs of socks, 2 pants, 2 bedsheets, wipe cloth, long pants, powder, odomus, comb... Done, now putting in her basket. Checking her water bottle, already very dirty, so cleaned it filled some water. Ada: "Mumma, can you please open this cake". I quickly opened it and then she said, she wants eat it on her study table. I looked at the table, it is too dusty, so picked up the dusting cloth, cleaned it, so that she can eat. Meanwhile I go back to pack my lunch and breakfast. Got to cut cucumbers, carrots (need to eat salads, because recently I had a series of health issues). Pack chole also done.. Checking time, 8.45 AM. Saw Ada neebling on a straw. I asked her to put it down, so I can wash it for her. Cleaned the straw returned it to her. Saw Ada holding potty. This is what is happening for the last one year. There is a long story about it. I saw she soiled her pants. Quickly removed the pant put her in a fresh one. Looked into her eyes, asked will you potty now? She said no, give me some mango and after that I will do potty. So went ahead, peeled and cut a ripe mango, put the plate in front of her and asked her to eat. She said, no mumma, can you please feed me? I clenched my teeth and said OK. While feeding her, I am still going back and forth, charging my phone, packing my lunch and doing other mundane jobs. Now I finished dusting the reaining tables also, where she generally puts her hands on. She puts her hand in her mouth all the time. Now it is 9 AM. My god, I have not brushed, not taken bath neither has Ada done any of that.Generally at 9.00, we start from home. Since it is school break she can reach school by 9.30 AM. But let me try and put her in potty and see what happens. She sat, asked me to sing and tell her story, 10 minutes, nothing happened. Me now very angry, sprayed water over her to clean, lifted a 16 KG child in my two arms, took her to bathroom. At this she started crying. "Adar khaba" (she needs adar all the time). Now I am very angry, gave her bath, cleaned her feet, brushed her teeth, wiped her and made her wear dress, pants and socks, she is still crying..... Now it is 9.15 AM. I have now 5 mins to comb my hair, brush my teeth and take bath and get ready. I went to bathroom amidst her constant crying. Got ready at about 9.25AM, she is still crying, did little bit "adar", now we are all set for school. Time now 9.30 AM. Drove super fast, so that I get a parking spot. Dropping her at school was smooth, no crying. Got back to office(office in opposite direction from school) at 9.55 AM. The car tyre pressue is low in the front wheel, and car is running out gas. May be do it some other time. Punched in and back in office. Today I have skill development meeting at 11 AM, Ph.D AcSIR screening committee meeting at 11.30 AM and a DAC (Doctoral Advisory committee) meeting for one of my students at 12 PM, a meeting at 11 AM, got to an annual report, got to supervise a sequencing, do some annotation for collaborative work. Toner of the printer is down, so students keep coming to my office for printout, while I hit the key board typing this story. Also had two quick meetings, signing two OMs (office meorandums) while I am still typing.  Now it is 11.05 AM, time for the meeting... Got to go.

Fast forward, now it is 3.15 PM, meetings are over, lunch is over, little bit of work is over, questions and answers for Sequencing is over, 2 students meetings are over, back is still complaining....
4.30 PM, time to go pick up Ada. I started at 4.30 reached in school near about 5 PM, the school handed me over a home work book chiding me on why I did not collect it earlier.. I had sme argument with them and finally at 5.15, the child is in the car. I straight away headed to office, was checking team viewer for a genome assembly with an ICAR lab. At 6.20 PM, Ada is restless to go home. So packed up, reached home at 6.30 PM. Karate class today. Made her wear her Karate uniform, took her to the ground. Meanwhile, sneaked out to buy onion and then back sitting near the waiting area. At 7.45 PM Karate class is over. We both are back home, she wants to do her homework, so we sat for a while. One pae is done. Now time now for dinner. I feed her rice, dal, omlette veggies for about 30 mins. I am terribly hungry, had some veggies and curries and one dosa. 9.45 PM, time to sleep. Slept like a log till 6.00 AM when the door bell rang. Happy to be alive and yes the back pain is gone!!! Thanks to my eating only salad.....

An idle day out of a perfect beginning...

What started off as a perfect day ended up as one of the most idle days. I dont remember having a day like this for a long time. No office for me, no school for Ada just hanging around. Sounds good right. Here is what happened. Today I got up at 6 AM, took out frozen milk and made cheese since my daughter takes cheese to school. This ritual followed by watering plants and doing my daily chores. Packing chocolates for Ada's school since there was supposed to be a school birthday today for her. Food packed, snack packed, clothes packed, water bottle packed, shoes packed ready to go. At 7.30 AM I am done and ready for work. Bathed Ada by 8 AM and was planning to do some pranayama if time permits between 8.30 AM to 9 AM. Fed Ada one roti and it was looking like one of the most perfect days to school and work. If I start exactly at 9 AM, I reach school at 9.15 AM and hence get a good parking spot. I dont have to rush going far away near a drain or struggle to do a parallel parking. Just when I am about to leave, saw Ada is holding potti (She stands in her toes, hides her face behind curtain and avoids eye contact). I was aware that it will be late to school but still thought let me take her to potti. 10 minutes in toilet, nothing. I was loosing my patience. It was already 9.15 AM. There is very little hope that I can take her to school at this moment. Despite all this I decided to give her the suppository that we usually give her every 5-7 days. 15 minutes later some symptoms, then I take her to toilet, waited for 5 mins nothing as yet. My frustration was running high just because I was aware that she not only missed school, I also missed my office. I then scolded her, put her in bed, walked out of the room angrily. She being a very pampered kid started wailing loudly. I came to the living room and was taking deep breath to calm myself down. The cry stopped, and I was wondering what is she upto (usually she is afraid to be alone in any room). It is already 5 mins since I left her. I tip toed to the bedroom and saw she was not on the bed. Then when I went further inside saw her heading towards the toilet. This time she was really getting the pressure. I went hurriedly and found she has already soiled her pant. Then took her to the toilet. Great this time it worked. Then 3 more trips, looked like she emptied her colon but missed her school and I missed my work. So just chilling at home and dont know what to do on a unplanned day like this so blogging.

An unforgettable holiday in Andaman...

Ever since we came back from USA ( to be precise 25th July 2012), we have not taken any meaningful break. We did take some small breaks, but they were rather very short and stressful to be called as a holiday. Our recent trip to Andaman during 30th June to 7th July has been particularly very enjoyable. We too straight 7 days break and stayed in a very comfortable hotel in the downtown where I could even do leisure shopping. That was the best part of it.

We traveled Air India from Kolkata and the flight was scehduled at 8.40 AM. It took less than 2 hours to reach Veer Savarkar airport in portBlair at approximately 8.30 AM. One thing to watch out is the airport rest rooms are aweful, so better stay away from them. We took a taxi to the hotel that was approximately 3-5 kms from the airport, at a comfortable fare of 125 rupees. The taxi guys generally try to do sight seeing marketing, but dont jump into yet untill you verify the locations yourself.

Out of the 7 days locations listed by the taxi guys menu, we found 2 are very close to the downtown. So probably there is no need of a package tour for that if you are staying downtown, you can take them on your own. One of them is Rajiv Gandhi water park and the other is Mahatma Gandhi park. We stayed in Courtyard J hotel and both the places were walking distances apart from the hotel (from downtown aberdeen bazar). Cellular Jail is also very close to the downtown, but it is closed on mondays. So, better to plan for this place on weekends.

First day in the evening, we headed for Corbyn's cove beach in PortBlair by an auto. It was about 10 kms ride from the hotel, quiet, water is not that clean but still better than mainland.

Day 2: We walked into the municipality food court and Rajiv Gandhi park. It was quite nicely maintained and stays open long. I saw some big screen monitors broadcasting social messages. This is a beautiful garden with small play park, walking trails. Has everything for all age groups. There is also a cycle space for kids to learn traffic rules. I found that to be interesting.

Day 3: We took a cruise to Havelock Radhanagar beach bu Macruise. It is a pivate cruise charges about 1000 rupees per head for one way for an adult. For children they dont have a fare structure yet, but for infants they charge 150 per head per way. The cruise lasts for about 90 minutes and is beautiful. You need to reach the dockyard at 7.30 AM. Once you reach havelock, you need to take taxi or rented cars for the beach. We headed for Radhanagar beach, one of the most beautiful beaches with pristine clean water. The taxi two and fro costed us about 500 rupees. Once you get down there, you will see ladies selling bananas, pine apples at resonable prices. You can munch on them if you like. We headed for the beach at 10.30 Am and were back by 2.30 PM just about time to catch the cruise back to portblair. Radhanagar beach is one of the nicest beaches I have ever seen. Water is extremely clean. There are changing areas, wooden benches swings and tall trees all over the beach. So you can lie down and relax. It is the perfect beach I have ever seen! On our return the water was choppy and bouncy. People having sea sickness should take enough care and precautions.

Day 4: We went for local sight seeing including cellular Jail. It is a 7 armed structure and the central pillar is beautifully located with sea all around it. There are museaums and displays about the life of the prisoners. There is a small shop called as sagarika, that sells local products. Very reasonable in case you want  to buy momentos.

Day 5: We took small cruise to North island and ross island. There are several boat/cruise operators and they generally charge 500 rupees per head per way. So for 2 adults to go and comeback these two places will cost about 2000 rupees. The water in both the places are pristine and clear. In north island people generally do water activities. We happened to do some shopping there and found pearls and other stuff to be much cheaper than sagarika. Apart from that there is nothing much to see. From there we headed for Ross island. This is an island where no body stays now. It has a great historical significance. During british times, british high commissioners were staying here and this place was called as paris of the east. Indeed it is a beautiful place with remains of the all the old world charms. There are peacocks, deers, rabbits openly moving around and a lot of coconut trees. You are suppose to walk around the place and enjoy the sight. We wasted time because we though it is a big place for walking. Bu actually speacking if you take a walk on one side in 2 hours time you can complete seeing the entire place. Be aware, there is no food items available, so carry your stuff.

Day 6: We visited local spots for buying plants and checking out there manufacturing place at Dollygunj for buying stuff. They were not that great. We found north island to be by far the best place for purchasing. We also visited an agriculture and dairy university place where they were giving away free plants and we got some.

Day 7: Chidiyatappu. We rented a taxi for Chidiyatapu from Aberdeen bazar. It costed about 1200 rupees for both ways. The price is worth. This point is a place where you should see sunset. In a cloudy day you may not see much. It is a must go place again with beautiful beach and mountainous roads. I must say difficult to drive roads. If you plan to go there start as early as 2 PM from the city. Overall I would give 5 star to the beach.

My take home message is:
1. Andaman nicober island is a beautiful place.
2. Regular household items are cheaper there if you want to buy.
3. Mostly this place is inhabited by Tamilians and hence crie rate is much less.
4. The city is very clean and they dont use polythene bags.
5. People in Andaman islands dont every imagine coming to mainland. They are much happier there.
6. Food items are more or less like mainland so no surprises there.
7. Green coconuts are two types, green and orange.
Overall a 5 star tourist spot.

When is this going to end?!

The title looks serious, although contents may not appear like one! This has been an issue for one and half years now and I am not seeing any end to it. Well here is the problem.

My toddler (going to be 3 in 2 months) has stopped wearing diapers for atleast a year now. She does not wet the bed and susu is not a problem at all. With her potty has been a biggest challenge. We tried everything, pots, toilet seats to real toilets but she somehow has a phobia for it. Somehow she manages to hold it. Earlier she used to hold for 5 days and would soil the pant and will not come near us when she feels like it. No matter how much we try. I have started with a reward system where she gets chocolates when she does potty, but she says she does not want one! I am totally confused as what to do...

Everytie she soils the pant there is lot of stress, scolding crying happens and just now one such episode just happened so I decided to blog.

For last six months, the stool has been extremely hard and she had injuries. So we took her to the doctor. The doctor gave a medicine and she would do potty only when she is fed the medicine. Now it has come to a stage where she by passes the medicine also. We tried Ayurvedic, alopathic, homeopathic medicines and none of them works. It has so far has been a very frustrating and stressful experience for us.

Last week, she did not do potty for a week, so we took her to her doctor. He referred to a pediatric surgeon and he gave suppositories. She passed stool in 2 installments. Then he prescribed a medicine and asked us to give her for 2 weeks. Now she is still holding a soiling the pant. I take her to toilet and there she refuses to sit and starts for